July 2012
June 2012
I have an very short announcement to make:
Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9/11.
I'm the Liquorice Bitch
I’m drunk on the beach pretending to be Azealia Banks.
#IbeonthatBlackgirlshit
Yo Gabba Gabba
- Tin: So, we need a fifth. I'm Plex, the yellow robot. Julia, is Foofa the pink thing with the flower head. Joan, is the Toodee, the cute blue monster. Bex is Brobee, the green thing with the unibrow.
- Bry: Okay, so who am I?
- Tin: Muno.
- Bry: Which one is that?
- Tin: ...the Bumpy Penis
- Bry: I'd rather be DJ Lance.
Scorpios want a "all or nothing" commitment because they are willing to do the same.
It is totally normal that I’m watching The Princess and the Frog, drinking wine and crying.
I just have a lot feelings.
#Yeauxleaux
I can always tell when a series suffered from the Writer’s Strike of 07/08. I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy, season 4 and this first episode, totally gave it away. It has even been 10 minutes yet.
“This is a really awful situation though. Its like a long distance relationship, except not a relationship and no promise of sex.”
—my friend’s view on the mess I created for myself
Great.
Now I can’t even by Dove anymore. I use the soap, deodorant. Fuck.
FUCK!
I remember going to see the midnight premiere of Twilight: New Moon, my sophomore year of college. Now, I went with three other 19 year olds and I shit you not when I say we were the only adults not in attendance with 11-13 year old girls daughters. We were so out of place.
I kept snickering throughout the movie because it was ridiculously stupid. I got a few mothers to snicker with me, but I got shushed by the daughters. This one little girl in front of me, turned all the way around, shot me a death stare, and said “Seriously?”
I erupted into laughter.
I don't know what sex feels like.
“There is a thin line between thirst and frank. It’s a very thin line; so thin, in fact, you don’t know about it until you’ve crossed it. But it definitely exists.”
—Bry
the type of men I attract
The conversation started with one question: “Bry, what’s going on with you and Louis?”
Apparently, I have been the topic of conversation and constantly on this kid’s mind since he laid eyes on me on Saturday. I find this absoultely hysterical because we didn’t speak or interact all day.
This is what was told to me:
“He came in my room and was like, ‘No seriously, Gi. You gotta hook me up with her. You know I don’t even like Black girls like that, but there is just something about her. I would leave my girl for her. I could change her life.’”
Now, please keep in mind, this is the same guy I met at my friend’s son’s 1st birthday party. He was there with his son, and the first thing he said to me is “How tall are you?” The last thing he said to me was, “I think you’re cute as fuck.”
Well here’s what I learned about him:
• 28 years old
• has 6 year old out in texas
• has a 2 year old
• has a baby on the way
• has 2 baby momma’s
• has a girlfriend, for a year
• the girlfriend for a year isn’t pregnant
• so the girl that he has a two year old with is pregnant again, thus he cheated on the girlfriend he’s been with for a year.
• he used to be addicted to cocaine
Of all of this bullshit, you know what the deal breaker was?
“I don’t even like Black girls like that.”
But he’s fucking Black too! I hate that shit. Fuck you, bitch. He’s a fuckin twatty ass bitch. Change my life? You mean fuck it up? The everlasting nerve.
“Ancient moon priestesses were called virgins. ‘Virgin’ meant not married, not belong to a man - a woman who was ‘one-in-herself’. The very word derives from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill; and was later applied to men: virle. Ishtar, Diana, Astarte, Isis were all all called virgin, which did not refer to sexual chasity, but sexual independence. And all great culture heroes of the past…, mythic or historic, were said to be born of virgin mothers: Marduk, Gilgamesh, Buddha, Osiris, Dionysus, Genghis Khan, Jesus - they were all affirmed as sons of the Great Mother, of the Original One, their worldly power deriving from her. When the Hebrews used the word, and in the original Aramatic, it meant ‘maiden’ or ‘young woman’, with no connotations to sexual chasity. But later Christian translators could not conceive of the ‘Virgin Mary’ as a woman of independent sexuality, needless to say; they distorted the meaning into sexually pure, chaste, never touched. When Joan of Arc, with her witch coven associations, was called La Pucelle - ‘the Maiden,’ ‘the Virgin’ - the word retained some of its original pagan sense of a strong and independent woman. The Moon Goddess was worshipped in orgiastic rites, being the divinity of matriarchal women free to take as many lovers as they choose. Women could ‘surrender’ themselves to the Goddess by making love to a stranger in her temple.”
—Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor, The Great Cosmic Mother - Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth (via munstersandghosts)
What I remember:
• having a long island ice tea
• +3 jagerbombs
• +redbull & vodka
• +grateful dead
• being hit on by some guy who came up to my chin
• listening to Mercy and slurring Swirv obnoxiously loud
• him telling me he was worried about me
• him requesting some ‘pix’
• leaving the bar to pick my friend’s boo up.
• my friend peeing beside the car.
• driving two blocks with the back door wide open and not noticing
• joining my friend to pee beside the car 15 mins later
• banging my face on a side view mirror
• getting hollaed at by some dude named Meezy (aka Omar)
• making a “The Wire” reference
• telling him he couldn’t have my number because he didn’t watch The Wire
• ordering $9 worth of food at McDonalds
• stumbling up the driveway
• being greeted by my 9 year old cousin at the door (she stayed up to make sure I got home safe)
• I gave her my apple pie
• regretted that two seconds later
• decided, YOLO and left possibly the longest drunken voicemail about NOTHING
• I got a call from this other thirsty ass dude
• fucked that $9 worth of McDonalds UP
• remembering to set my alarm for the am because I had to get up for court
Im drunk
so I decided I would text him and tell him so.
He asked for naked pix.
I said I might.
I lied. And I got me a keeper hahahaahhahah hahahahahah
“I’ve never met a dick in my life that made me do cartwheels…EVER!”
—MiMi Faust (via: Love & Hip Hop: ATL)
